Two ghosts meet and both chat about how they died.

1st ghost: How u died?

2nd ghost: I died of cold.

1st ghost: How does it feel when you’re dying in cold?

2nd ghost: Actually, I was imprisoned in the refrigerator. Initially, I was shivering, then my whole body started to freeze, later I felt the whole world was dark and I died. Fortunately , I died with not much sufferings.

1st ghost: You’re so pityful….

2nd ghost: How about you? How did u die?

1st ghost: I died from heart attack.

2nd ghost: I see, why did u have a heart attack?

1st ghost: Actually, I found out that y wife is having an affair with another man. One day, when I came back from work, saw a pair of man shoes outside my house. Then, I realized that the guy was in my house with my wife. When I rushed into the bedroom, my wife was alone. I must find where that bastard is hiding. So I searched the toilet, I ran downstairs, looked in the storeroom, but the bastard was not there. So, I ran upstairs and searched the wardrobe, but I found nothing. Because I was too tired of all that running, I got a heart attack and died.

2nd ghost: Why didn’t you look for the bastard in the fridge? If you did, both of us were alive now!!

After having failed his exam in “Logistics and Organization”, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”

Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”

Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an “A” for the exam. ”

Professor: “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”

Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?”

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 25 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 18 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an “A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.”

• WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger
• WinErr 002: No Error - Yet
• WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
• WinErr 004: Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong
• WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted - System confused
• WinErr 006: Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
• WinErr 007: System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
• WinErr 008: Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
• WinErr 009: Horrible bug encountered - God knows what happened
• WinErr 00A: Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
• WinErr 00B: Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50MB
• WinErr 00C: Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More!
• WinErr 00D: Window closed - Do not look outside
• WinErr 00E: Window open - Do not look inside
• WinErr 00F: Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
• WinErr 010: Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
• WinErr 011: Window open - Do not look outside
• WinErr 012: Window closed - Do not look inside
• WinErr 013: Unexpected error - Huh ?
• WinErr 014: Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
• WinErr 018: Unrecoverable error - System destroyed. Buy new one.
• WinErr 019: User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
• WinErr 01A: OS overwritten - Please reinstall all software.
• WinErr 01B: Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will suffer a penalty for that.
• WinErr 01C: Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate.
• WinErr 01D: System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
• WinErr 01E: Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
• WinErr 01F: Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.
• WinErr 020: Error recording error codes - Additional errors will be lost.
• WinErr 042: Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again.
• WinErr 079: Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.
• WinErr 103: Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Additional errors may not be displayed or recorded.
• WinErr 678: This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
• WinErr 683: Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.
• WinErr 815: Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 Bytes available.
• WinErr 912: Purchase a new copy of Windows today. Old license void. Windows has been deleted.

I was looking for an empty space to park my car at Bangsar when suddenly there’s a knock on the glass.

“Encik ah, tanya sikit ah, itu Chimpeng mana ah?”

“Apa?”

“Chimpeng, Chimpeng. Saya sudah tanya itu guard ah, dia chiakaap sili ala salu Chimpeng.”

“Sorrylah Apek. Saya tak tau woh. Apa tempat itu Chimpeng?”

“Aiyah, itu Chimpeng balu punya. Saya mau pigi angkat lui la.”

“Tarak tau la boss. Itu kedai ka apa? Along ka?”

“Chimpeng bukan kedai ma. Lu itu pun tak tau ah? itu Chimpeng macam itu Maypeng, Palicpeng, Lalechbepeng, itu balu punya Peng.”

Adui, what the???? Only to find out, he’s actually looking for CIMB BANK!!!!!!!!!!!

Who says our English is teruk? Just see below:

Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-point, effective, etc…

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS

Britons: I’m sorry, Sir, but we don’t seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL

Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who call?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY

Britons: Excuse me, I’d like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: Skews

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY

Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION

Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?

WHEN ENTERTAINING

Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don’t be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE

Britons: I don’t recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER

Britons: I’d prefer not to do that, if you don’t mind.
Malaysians: Don’t want la…

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION

Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you’re coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE

Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I’m trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU

Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time.. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION

Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED

Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: What happen? Why like that?

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG

Britons: This isn’t the way to do it here let me show you,
Malaysians: Lke that also don’t know how to do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY

Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians: Celaka u

IN PARLIAMENT, THE QUESTION ON “BOCOR”

Briton: Where is the leak? I shall ask the Works Minister to look into it.
Malaysian: STUPID, STUPID, STUPID question. Where got “bocor”?